Remembering Pat Tillman
Strong-willed and humble, former Cardinals star
was indescribably rare
Tim Layden, Sports Illustrated, SI.com
Friday, April 23, 2004
Our office called this morning with the news that
Pat Tillman had been killed in action in Afghanistan.
I pulled open a drawer in my desk and took out a manila
folder in which I keep letters sent to me by story
subjects. It's a thin file. In 10 years at Sports
Illustrated, I've written more than 300 stories
and I can count the personal responses on both hands.
(Not including agents, PR people, wives and girlfriends.)
This was an ordinary greeting card with a gray wolf
on the front cover. Inside the card was blank --
no mass-manufactured poetry -- except for a note written
in meticulous blue printing. The card was dated "12/8,''
which was Dec. 8, 1997, five days after a 2,000-word
profile that I had written on Tillman appeared in Sports
Illustrated.
At the time, Tillman was a senior at Arizona State,
the Pac-10 conference's Defensive Player of the Year
as a ferocious, 5-foot-11, 195-pound linebacker. I
had spent two days with Tillman and his teammates --
and his brother Kevin, who remains in the military --
in Tempe, Ariz., reporting this story.
It was a remarkable experience. Customarily, both
the writer and subject understand the mechanics that
exist between them. Writer asks questions and tags
along with subject. Subject reveals only as much of
himself as he wants the writer to know and lets the
writer see only as much as he's comfortable with. Somebody
forgot to tell Pat Tillman the rules.
He answered questions frankly and without concern
for the repercussions.
Question: Have you ever been arrested? (A
routine query in this day).
Answer: "Yes.'' (What's more, it was a minor
juvenile arrest that was expunged from Tillman's record.
He didn't have to tell anybody). Honesty, again.
Question: Can you play in the NFL?
Answer: "Beats me.'' (The usual college stud
response is: "Hell, yes.'' Tillman had no idea, so
he said so.)
It went on like this for two days. I learned that
Tillman was the type of football player who performed
fully without regard for his body. He played at 100
percent of his speed, power and passion 100 percent
of the time. That quality is indescribably rare. He
was also able to use his brain as effectively as his
body. Coaches who told him something had to do so only
once.
He was also a a strong student who graduated
summa cum laude in three and a half years with a 3.82
grade-point average. He bragged about none of this.
Why? "Dude, I'm proud of the things I've done, my
schoolwork -- because I'm not smart, I just worked
hard -- and this award (the Pac-10 defensive honor)," he
told me. "But it doesn't do me any good to be proud.
It'd be better to just force myself to be naïve
about things, because otherwise I'll start being happy
with myself and then I'll stand still. And then I'm
old news.''
He is terrible news today, because two years ago he
left a career in the NFL -- a career that scouts
and personnel experts thought he never could achieve --
to enlist in the Army. He didn't give any interviews
then, because he didn't want attention called to his
decision. No surprise there. He is the kind of guy
who probably would have preferred playing football
in a parking lot, rather than in stadiums full of fans.
There was a rare purity about him. I've not seen it
since. I don't expect to soon see it again.
Back in 1997 we ate dinner together with his brother
at a cheap spaghetti joint near the ASU campus. Pat
was astounded -- and oddly honored -- that
I let him pick the restaurant.
I thought about all these things when I opened his
card this morning. Here is what he wrote:
Mr. Layden,
Thank you for the time you put into the article,
my family and I really enjoyed the way it turned
out. Perhaps our paths will cross again someday and
you, Kevin and I can have another dinner. This time
you pick the place. Until then, take care and tell
your kids I said hello.
A few minutes ago my 12-year-old son walked into my
home office to check on me. I turned to him, and all
I could think to say was, "Pat Tillman says hello.''
Sports Illustrated senior writer Tim Layden weighs
in with a Viewpoint every Friday on SI.com. |
